Warning

In Biddeford, Me., members of the Stackpole family nailed big printed signboards to trees, warning hunters: "Don't shoot, it may be a Stackpole."

Proof

In Philadelphia, Magistrate Elias Myers demanded proof that a burlesqueen's dress was too flimsy. The proof: a detective folded the costume, squeezed it into a match box.

Healthy

In Los Angeles, John H. Mills, 70, classed as physically unfit, pleaded with the school board to give him back his job, said, "I'm as sound and healthy as I ever was . . . ," so saying, fell dead.

Whiskers

In Tokyo, members of the Japanese Whiskers Club held their semi-annual meeting, toasted Naosaburo Kato (left, in cut), claimant to the title of Longest Beard in the Orient.

Penance

In Santa Ana, Calif., Sheriff Jesse Elliott described the aftermath of a county jailbirds' party featuring fermented prune and peach juice: "Colossal hangovers, loss of good behavior ratings, and social ostracism at the hands of other prisoners."

Finish

In Memphis, Probate Judge Sam Bates made public two wills: 1) "To my chauffeur I leave my cars as he has almost ruined them and I want him to have the satisfaction of finishing the job"; 2) "I want six of my creditors for pallbearers--they have carried me for so long they might as well finish the job."

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