Dividend. In Chicago, Gin Moy was convicted of pinching a couple of showgirls, caught sight of them in court, ran over and pinched them again, went off to jail laughing happily.

All You Can Drink. In Hollywood, Restaurateur George Paris pondered the coffee shortage, presently put up a sign: "We have plenty of coffee. First cup 5¢. Second cup, $100."

Solution by Fire. In New Brighton, Pa., Anthony John Corry found his wife was out playing bridge. He set his house afire, told police: "When a man slaves for years to build a home, he has a right to expect his wife to stay in it." In Manhattan, Henry Remos walked up to a girl in a restaurant, set fire to her hair, explained to police: "I just wanted to get acquainted."

Mess Matters. At Camp Adair, Ore., Major Hosiah J. Osborn, assistant commandant of the 9th Service Command School for Bakers & Cooks, came out against K.P. duty as punishment, branded it injurious to the dignity of the kitchen. At Gowen Field, Idaho, the bugler, woolgathering, pursed his lips at 11 p.m. for taps, blew the wrong call, sent some 5,000 men scrambling for the mess hall.

Nomenology. In Indianapolis, a landlubber named Seaman Randolph Seaman enlisted, appropriately.

Age of Ingenuity. At Fort Lewis, Wash., some business-body who figured the electricians wiring the barracks were traveling a half-mile a day up & down stepladders made everything wonderful by teaching them stilt-walking (see cut).

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