Man of Distinction. In Lakeville, Conn., someone penciled in the Hotchkiss School lavatory: "Schuyler van Kilroy 3rd was here."

Down in the Mouth. In Burns Lake, B.C., Rancher Joe Corbett, out boating, lost his false teeth overboard, six years later had his second set stolen by a rat, got them back, two months later swallowed them.

Happy Ending. In Bethune, France, Henri Roy, 102, learned that he had at last been made a Knight of the Legion of Honor, murmured, "Now I can die . . . happy," died.

Pet Aversion. In Portland, Ore., William Mason, whose neighbor would not keep his yapping dog locked up at night, finally won his point after crawling around on all fours outside the neighbor's house and barking at the top of his lungs.

Lockout. In St. Clairsville, Ohio, the sheriff, sick & tired of locking up John Brehm, barred him from the Belmont County jail.

Filling Station. In Hamburg, Germany, police finally found the source of black-marketeers' alcohol when the Zoological Museum complained that over 300,000 of its pickled specimens were drying up.

Mother's Day. In Hollywood, Mrs. Ethel Wadler, 37, learned that she had become the grandmother of a 7-lb. girl, several hours later also became the mother of a 7-lb. girl.

Blowhards. In Salem, Ore., Robert Lantz, while tying his baby daughter's shoes, gave an all-out sneeze that dislocated his shoulder, bounced the baby into a corner, blackened her eye. In Wheeling, W. Va., Eddie Bowie, driving his car, sneezed, plunged into another car, which rammed a third. Estimated damages: $1,250.

Bedtime. In Paris, Jules Duval, haled into court for culpable negligence, readily admitted that he had let his son . stay in bed for 18 years, explained: "He wanted to be alone and we didn't want to upset him."

Wage Dispute. In Noblesville, Ind., Mrs. W. L. Rigdon sued for a divorce, claimed that her husband asked her to pay him $1.50 an hour for "working around the house."

No Sooner Said ... In Phoenix, Ariz., service station attendant Dwight Gressley was found shot to death, his dead body slumped over an unfinished letter: ". . . There is a wave of robberies out here and those guys shoot and ask questions afterwards."

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