Automatic Shift. In Miami, Mrs. Arlene'Lamb filed for a divorce on the ground that her husband tried to exchange her, their eight-year-old daughter and their eleven-year-old twins for a new car.

Point of Order. In Boston, State Senator Silvio Conte argued for an early end to the session, pointed out that he had not been home in a long time and complained: "We had three children in 24 months, and now we haven't had a birth in eight months and people are beginning to talk about it."

Snake Eyes. In Rotan, Texas, after he had killed a rattlesnake behind the barn, Coe Hawkings went out in the dark and cut off the rattles for a souvenir, next morning noticed that the snake he had killed still had its rattles.

Second Hand. In South Bend, Ind., Willie Porter was sentenced to 30 days for stealing a watch from Mary Richardson, who then got 30 days when she admitted that she had stolen the watch herself. p

Foul Shot. In Milwaukee, as the Washington Park Zoo's prize hippopotamus opened its mouth wide for the audience, spectator Jerome Fischer got all set, wound up, heaved a beer can right into the yawning jaws.

Time Out. In Honolulu, when Burglar Lawrence Carreira heard the judge announce, "I sentence you to Oahu Prison for 20 years," he passed out cold, was revived in time to catch the final words: "However, execution of sentence is suspended and I place you on probation for a period of five years."

Down Payment. In Spokane, six years after her dying mother told her to "hang on to that pillow and never give it away," Marie Flechsig decided it needed a new cover, ripped off the old one and discovered $1,000.

Well Done. In Benton, Ill., Clem Cable tried to get the bees out of his eaves, lit some rags to make a smudge, burned his house to the ground.

Out of Character. In Los Angeles, Actress Donnie Donnell was granted a divorce after she told the judge that her husband insisted on her becoming a movie star, while "all I wanted to do was just to be a good housewife."

Scooped. In Clinton, Mass., Reporter William Coulter, on a routine assignment at the local draft board, asked if there was any news, got orders to report for his pre-induction physical.

Heir Apparent. In El Paso, the new Providence Memorial Hospital's expectant fathers' room was equipped with two oxygen outlets.

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