By the People. In Lonsdale, Ark., since twelve of the village's 15 voters were running for local office and the rest were relatives of candidates, election judges and clerks had to be imported from nearby Hot Springs.

Police Protection. In Burlington, Vt., when Perley Weed, 24, reported the theft of his car, the cops investigated, charged that Weed's license had been suspended and that his car was improperly registered, hauled him off to county jail.

Home Front. In Colorado, officials estimated that on the opening day of the state's big-game hunting season, as many men turned out as are on the U.N. front lines in Korea.

The Wild West. In Portales, N.Mex., the Daily News ran an advertisement for the Bud & Cliff Wrecking Yard: "We do wench work anywhere."

College Spirit. In Decatur. Ill., on the 750 pins sold by Alpha Phi Omega fraternity for Millikin University's homecoming celebration, the name of the college was spelled "Millikan."

Homing Instinct. In Portland, Ore., for the second time in as many weeks, cops found Kenneth W. Scott, 37, stuffed in a garbage can sleeping off a drunk.

The Old Army Game. At Scott Air Force Base, Ill., the brass solved the parking problem by banning automobiles of privates from the post.

Without Knocking. In Louisville, Mr. & Mrs. James Smyser awoke to find a car crashing into their bedroom, watched open-mouthed as it backed out through the hole it had made in the wall and drove away.

The Legal Mind. In Wichita, Kans., Louise Bailey filed suit for $10,000 damages against the Berke Bros. Distilling Co., charging that its product incited a male friend to beat her.

Occupational Hazard. In Baltimore, when zoo officials brought in a new gorilla to meet Mayor Thomas D'Alesandro, he stopped them short: "Don't let him near me--I mean it. Since I've been mayor of Baltimore, I've been bitten by a snake, clawed by a lion cub and kicked by a camel. . . Let's buy him and get him out of here."

Oldtime Religion. In Owensboro, Ky., Wesley Ezell, 38, was fined $2 and $11.50 court costs under an old law forbidding "willfully and wrongfully working on the Christian Sabbath."

Truce. In Atlanta, members of the Junior Civitan Club sold Confederate flags to raise the money to buy U.S. flags for classrooms at Brown High School.

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