False Alarm. In Indianapolis, police rushed to the freight yards to look for a dismembered body in a boxcar, found Howard Finley resting beside his wooden leg.

For Example. In Munich, Germany, after a court ruled that his client was not slandered when called a "super-idiot," Lawyer Karl Meindl drew three months in jail and a 300-mark fine for contempt when he protested: "Does the Herr Judge hold it to be meaningless if I, on the basis of his decision, call him a 'super-idiot'?"

Capital Increment. In Baltimore, Salvatore Volpe explained to cops who kept him from jumping off a high bridge: "I am making too much money and don't know what to do with it."

The Night Watch. In Chicago, someone broke into Charles Racanelli's tavern, took $300 in cash, $1,000 worth of liquor and his 145-lb. great Dane watchdog.

The Other Cheek. In Nashville, Tenn., the Gideon Society's W. H. Mason persuaded the judge to drop larceny charges against three men who stole a box full of Bibles, gave each a New Testament.

Cease-Fire. In Augusta, Me., the State of Maine hired a psychiatrist to find out why hunters shoot each other.

Consuming Ambition. In Boston, Dancer Carolina Hall, 22, 140 lbs., sat down to a $12 restaurant breakfast of 1) 20 rolls, 2) 24 pats of butter, 3) one pint of cider, 4) a triple chef's salad, 5)3 four-egg cheese omelette, 6) a double order of French fries, 7) four pieces of toast, 8) a double portion of strawberry shortcake, 9) one slice of chocolate layer cake, 10) one piece of cheesecake, 11) one pear tart, 12) one cheese sandwich, 13) one egg salad sandwich, 14) two portions of mocha nut cake, 15) a dessert of cottage cheese and peaches covered with sour cream, then refused cream & sugar with her coffee because "they're fattening."

Family Business. In St. Louis, a loading zone permit for the Central Casket Co. was taken out by H. S. Coffin.

Auld Lang Syne. In Charleston, S.C., when Mailman James Brawley retired after 46 years of service, his fellow carriers presented him with a mailbox.

Sorcerer's Apprentice. In West Berlin, Germany, Ernst Bogelsack sneaked into town from the Soviet Zone, hid in a public lavatory until the attendant left, removed the brass water taps from the sinks in order to sell them in the black market, immediately loosed a flood, tried to get out but found the doors locked, howled for help until a passing police patrol broke in and rescued him from the rising waters, by then neck-deep.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.