Sell It With Music

So far, nobody has written a song called Sliding Along on a Timken Tapered Roller Bearing With You, Baby, but just about every other type of product has been serenaded by Tin Pan Alley. On the radio these days, it is sometimes hard to tell the straight songs from the singing commercials. Songwriters like to use brand names partly because they are catchy, partly because sponsors might pressure stations into playing the songs, thus increasing royalties. Among the latest pop tunes with built-in plugs: Heavenly Music (based on the Chock-Full o' Nuts "Heavenly Coffee" jingle), Muriel (for Muriel Cigars) and Mambo Shewitz (for Manischewitz' kosher wine).

Other highly successful plug uglies: Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby ("Come and trim my Christmas tree/ With some decorations bought at Tiffany"), Patti Page's Milwaukee Polka ("I light up like a Ronson"), Scat Man Crothers' own version of On the Sunny Side of the Street ("I'm ridin' now . . . General Motors Fleetwood Cadillac"). The latest and probably record-setting item is a Latin rhythm number sung by Julius La Rosa, called Me Gotta Have You. Excerpts:

Shave need Burma . . .

Adler got to have shoe . . .

Hair need Toni,

Swift Bologna

Me, I gotta have you . . .

Smith need brother . . .

Halo need a shampoo . . .

Last week one radio station finally called a halt. Manhattan's pop music outlet WNEW decided that such records constituted free advertising, and, moreover, might frequently conflict with the station's regular commercials. Henceforth, the station announced, it will screen all numbers and keep the "worst offenders" off the air. Not included in the ban: such popular oldtimers as In My Merry Oldsmobile, I Can't Give You Anything But Love ("Diamond bracelets Woolworth doesn't sell, baby"), You're the Top ("You're an Arrow Collar").

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