Wind & the Wallows. In Washington, D.C., the judge dismissed a drunk charge against William Thompson after learning what made him walk with a list: "The wind was blowing awfully hard and I only weigh 119 pounds."

And Having Writ, Moves On. In Hollywood, after cops bagged scofflaw Sidney Herman for jaywalking, discovered that he had 22 other traffic citations against his name, Herman explained his dodge for evading prosecution: "I move every few weeks."

Omnibust. In Chatham, England, concluding that he was not getting enough attention after his girl friend broke a date, Bus Driver John Hamilton attempted to smash his bus against her house, bogged down on the lawn, grumbled as he was led off to serve six months in jail: "If only I'd had a good run, I would have got through . . ."

Crystal Brawl. In Ipoh, Malaya, Fortune Teller Chung Kal Choon was fined $1.80 after he consulted Astrologer Kunju Rama, disagreed with the stargazer's predictions, beat him up.

Breath of Scandal. In Los Angeles, Mrs. Virginia K. Rand won a divorce after she testified that her husband objected to the way she was making garlic toast at a party, "made a scene in the presence of our guests and humiliated me by making the garlic toast himself."

Cold Pro. In Boston, two days after he offered Bay State motorists a column of "Tips on Cold Day Starting," Automotive Editor Harry Stanton of the Globe called the city desk, told why he was late for work: his car didn't have enough antifreeze.

Way to a Man's Heart. In Birmingham, after he recovered from seven doses of arsenic poured by his wife while he was sick, William Oliver agreed that she be released in his custody for four years, rather than serve a two-year prison term, commented fondly: "I love my wife now more than ever."

If It's Worth Doing ... In Gary, N.C., accused by sheriff's deputies of knifing an acquaintance during a fight over a woman, Early Montague shamefacedly explained: "Yeah, I cut him, but my big blade broke and I couldn't get the little blade open to cut some more."

Maketh Not Summer. In Billings, Mont., acquitting Mrs. Antonia Romero on a charge of harboring a vicious dog after testimony from Mailman Theodore Foos that her pooch had nibbled his thigh, Judge Otis Packwood observed: "This is another case of every dog being entitled to one bite."

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