Undigestive Process. In Southampton, England. Waiter Kyriacos Miltiadou was fined $28 for knocking down and kicking a diner who failed to tip him.

Clean Break. In Chicago, Clarence Green, Mayor of Dalton. Ga., explained that he gave it all up and went to work in a Chicago paper factory because he "just got sick and tired of small-town politics."

Audit. In Milwaukee, Mrs. Patricia Heaton. 18, sought an annulment after learning on the second day of her marriage that her 21-year-old husband had borrowed money for the wedding and was not a man of "considerable financial means'' as he had claimed.

Wish You Were Here. In Jackson, Miss., the U.S. Weather Bureau reported observing one morning at 11:35 ". . . unquestionably the most beautiful thing in all the heavens ... a magnificent display of iridescent clouds. We saw numerous splotches among the cirrus clouds of gorgeous opalescent rose pinks, emerald greens and turquoise blues. It occurred in a small area about 15 degrees from the sun and lasted only about 15 minutes. It can be fully explained, but only in the language of a meteorologist. However, it can be said that it was only a fragment of a giant halo due to unusually small droplets.''

Vox Populi. In Detroit, Law Student Frank Castelluccio noticed on his absentee ballot that no one was running for the New Buffalo, Mich, township's Highway Commissioner, idly wrote himself in, was elected by one vote.

Painless Extraction. In St. Louis, the Internal Revenue Office's 40 secretaries completed an etiquette course in which they learned to pronounce the names of VIPs. i.e., taxpayers, correctly, and with a "rising inflection as though you are asking a question.''

Hard Right Rudder. In Brisbane, Australia, Edward Eugene Ebzery, 51, pleaded guilty to his 871st drunkenness charge, but escaped punishment when he explained that he had been drinking Cokes for three months, had upset his stomach, and "I simply had to have a whisky."

Growth Stock. In Pittsburgh, Mary Jo Anne Ryland. on trial for embezzling $17,500 from the bank where she was head bookkeeper, testified that she had invested $4,300 of it in ten shares of stock in the bank.

Crystallized Ball. In Amarillo. Texas, after predicting lower winds and snow flurries, Weather Forecaster Lawrence Smith was stranded at the airport for 21 hours by a howling blizzard and 5-ft. snowdrifts.

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