An Uncertain Smile. In Plant City, Fla., Mrs. Lizzie B. Morgan, 52, on the way to her driving test, turned into a parking space, accelerated instead of braking, crashed into the building housing the automobile-licensing bureau.

Keeping Fit. In Pittsburgh, Fred Collins got four to eight months in the county workhouse for stealing a $78.75 pension check from his cellmate in the North Side police station jail.

Dandy Lines. In Manhattan, a class of 11-year-olds, asked by their teacher to write about "What Spring Means to Me," reported, in part: "Women have started to wear open toe shoes to let in the air." "Every time Spring comes around I see water pistols. All over, there are water pistols. You can't walk ten feet without getting squirted." "When spring comes I start thinking about summer but that's another story." "To me, spring means misery. It gets very hot in school. Another thing all the drunks come to Washington sq and lie all over the park."

Any Questions? In Crestline, Ohio, the weekly Advocate ran an ad: "For Sale: 22 wheelbarrows, with side boards, 2 steel wheelbarrows, 1 with wood handles . . . No Sunday sales, no sale to minors. Not responsible for accidents. No credit."

Silent Night. In Akron, Mrs. Katherine Ferrell, mother of 17, jailed overnight for drunkenness, told the judge her stay was "the first good night's sleep I've had for 20 years."

Modern Living. In London, Sir John Simpson, controller of Her Majesty's Stationery Office, told a business gathering that among the office's books that are selling "like hot cakes" are: Illustrated Catalogue of Fleas, Horse Flies of the Ethiopian Region and Sex Life of the Elephant Seal.

Holiday Edge. In Jacksonville, Joe Tanner, out under bond on a charge of shooting a man on Christmas Day, was jailed again, charged with stabbing another man on Easter.

Ebb Tide. In Naugatuck, Conn., the police, unsnarling a long line of honking motorists, found Samuel Perry, 32, at the head of it, halted at a stop sign, fast asleep.

Big Brother. In Vancouver, Wash., Patrolman Ted Slothower drove downtown on his day off, went into a store to get parking-meter change, had to wait briefly in line, came out to find the city's only other full-time meter patrolman had tagged his car.

New Leaf. In Madison, Wis., the State Bureau of Personnel offers a $325-a-month summer job: "Shade Tree Inspector."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.