Obstacle Course. In Madison, Wis., Bernard Crompton, nabbed for drunkenness after trotting around Capitol Park in his shorts, explained that he was trying to run the four-minute mile but didn't make it because he kept "getting stopped by policemen."

Cold Comfort. In El Paso, a jury awarded $450 in damages to a baby sitter after her former employer made out her paycheck to "Mary Garcia -- lousy maid."

Shock of Recognition. In New Orleans, a box of 100 Bibles, stolen from the car of William Perry Brown, was found two days later on the steps of a library, opened but undisturbed.

Quiet on Earth. In Blackpool, England, telephone operators, hoping for more free holiday time, urged authorities to start a campaign aimed at discouraging "use of the telephone on Christmas Day and New Year's."

Hard, Gemlike Flame. In Pensacola, Fla., M.J. Helms came to hospital with his wife, who was in serious condition from gunshot wounds, explained to police: "I told her I was crazy, but she wouldn't believe me. So, I shot her."

The Beaches. In Myrtle Beach, S.C., local boosters succeeded in a nationwide search for a living namesake by finding Mrs. Myrtle Beach of Fort Madison, Iowa, mother of three -- Sandy, Marshy and Rocky.

Just Curious. In Veracruz, Mexico, after retailers were found to be selling 35,000 liters of milk a day -- 10,000 more than they get from all the cows in the Veracruz milkshed -- a Dairymen's Association spokesman stated: "We don't want to accuse anyone of watering the milk, but we think the situation merits investigation."

Mushroomed Clout. In Milan, Salvatore Cinquegrane, 20, who stepped on a streetcar and squabbled with the conductor, was booked for : 1) not paying, 2 ) hitting the conductor, 3) damaging public property, 4) resisting arrest, 5) disturbing the peace, 6) refusing to identify himself to police, and 7) drunkenness.

Watching Dog. In Louisville, when police asked Mrs. Albert Lang, after her car was stolen with her dog inside, if the dog would not try to stop the thief, she replied ruefully, no, because "she's crazy about that car. And as long as she's riding, she doesn't care who's driving."

Got That Now? In Albany, Ga., James L. Stanaland, 30, was reported in good condition after the .25-cal. pistol pointed at his chest went off while he was showing a young woman what not to do with a .25-cal. pistol.

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