Allergy. In Wimbledon, England, bearded Michael Kelly, 42, arrested on a charge of trespassing, told the court he was unemployed, adding, "I did work for two days in my life once, but it did not agree with me."

Raw Deal. In Buffalo. Mary Lehigh was accused by her roommate of striking her "on and about the face with a beefsteak."

Something Fishy. In Seattle, Zoo Veterinarian Dr. Kenneth Birkley went off to capture elusive, "very nervous" sea otters with a special weapon: tranquilizing pills.

Odds Don't Even. In Nashville, the Louisville and Nashville Railroad Co. gave its reason for proposing to discontinue two passenger runs: "The crew often outnumbers the passengers."

Garden View. In Portishead, England, Simon Finder requested a lower tax assessment on his property, which is near a navy school, because his wife "cannot sit in the garden without provoking numerous wolf whistles and peculiar looks."

On-the-Spot News. In Rotterdam. N.Y., traffic violators are given along with their summonses a questionnaire in which one question asks: "Do you feel the manner of the police officer was polite and proper under the circumstances?"

Checked Out. In Long Beach. Calif., after he was arrested for passing $625 worth of bum checks, Marine Sergeant Richard K. Battershell, 27, requested and was granted 90 days, instead of the customary 30, when he explained that "if I serve 90 days, I'll receive a bad-conduct discharge without a court-martial."

Occupational Hazard. In Winnipeg, when police asked the occupation of Benjamin Monette, convicted of driving his car with faulty brakes, broken speedometer, defective lights and a clutch held together with a rubber band, he answered: "I'm a mechanic."

Diamond Needle. In Detroit, Eugene W. Bader, 11, was awarded $250 in damages after he was bitten by a cocker spaniel during a sand-lot baseball game when a twelve-year-old girl, rooting for the other team, sicked her dog onto him as he was sprinting around the bases on his home-run smash.

For the Bird. In Ventura, Calif., Audrey Martin got a divorce on the ground of mental cruelty after she told the judge that toward the end of their 25th year of marriage her husband Albert rarely spoke to her, proved by the fact that their parakeet's favorite saying was now: "Did you hear me, Albert?"

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