A calendar of the triumphs, defeats and contortions of the human spirit during 1957:

JANUARY

Feel Sharp, Drive Sharp. In Paramus, N.J., despite his plea that there was no law against it, Theodore Hildebrandt Jr. was ticketed for careless driving after cops caught him driving with the wheel in one hand, a razor in the other, and blobs of lather on his face.

FEBRUARY

Screening Process. In Dayton, arrested for bigamy after being married to seven men since her 13th birthday, the last two marriages without benefit of divorce, 23-year-old Cynthia Corraditti offered an explanation: "It was hard to find a guy I could trust."

MARCH

Chew-Chew. In Fresno, Calif., when the San Joaquin Daylight train arrived 18 minutes late, Southern Pacific officials blamed "unforeseen operating difficulties" for the delay--Engineer William J. Franey had sneezed, blown his upper dentures out the cab window, stopped the train to hunt for them.

APRIL

Best Foot. In Kansas City, Kans., Tommy Hess, 3, warned of pain by the doctor preparing to put a plaster cast on his broken foot, gingerly extended his leg, never whimpered during the 40-minute operation, only explained when the impressed doctor praised him, "It's the other foot that hurts."

MAY

Ebb Tide. In Naugatuck, Conn., the police, unsnarling a long line of honking motorists, found Samuel Perry, 32, at the head of it, halted at a stop sign, fast asleep.

JUNE

Obstacle Course. In Madison, Wis., Bernard Crompton, nabbed for drunkenness after trotting around Capitol Park in his shorts, explained that he was trying to run the four-minute mile but didn't make it because he kept "getting stopped by policemen."

JULY

New Twirl. In Brawley, Calif., Farmer W. I. Fifield complained that a man had helped himself to three big watermelons from his patch by coming in, scooping them up, taking off in a helicopter.

AUGUST

Hot Prospect. In Fuquay-Varina, N.C. E. T. Burchett, auto salesman, explained to police why he chased an armed bandit who had just robbed a bank of $12,000: "I wanted to sell him a car and I knew he had some money."

SEPTEMBER

The Cure. Near O'ney, Ill., irritated by wasps that buzzed around the barn, Farm Hand Harold Weber decided to smoke them out, burned more than 5,000 bales of hay, 2,000 bushels of barley, 200 loads of manure, a utility shed, a garage, three drums of gasoline and the barn.

OCTOBER

Occupational Hazard. In Winnipeg, when police asked the occupation of Benjamin Monette, convicted of driving his car with faulty brakes, broken speedometer, defective lights and a clutch held together with a rubberband, he answered: "I'm a mechanic."

NOVEMBER

Unemployment Benefits. In La Follette, Tenn., after severe unemployment forced the Federal Government to declare his county a "distress area," Sheriff Willie Chapman and his men raided several moonshine stills, found that the yellow corn meal used to make the liquor had been distributed by the welfare office.

DECEMBER

Final Score. In Milwaukee, investigating the hanging of a 51-year-old man, Assistant Medical Examiner Joseph Damiani found the shortest husband-to-wife suicide note in the city's police history: "You won."

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