All the News That's Fun to Print

Some famous but shy writers have the Times of their lives

If all goes according to plan, print-starved New Yorkers will wake one morning this week to find that yet another daily has apparently joined Rupert Murdoch's Post in reaching a separate peace with the city's striking press unions. The 24-page paper, selling for a rather extortionate newsstand price of $1 (the result of a costlier-than-expected union settlement, the paper explains in a frontpage notice), looks just like the Times, only more so.

The Page One lead story by Timesman R.W. Papple Jr. recounts the brief reign of Pope John Paul John Paul I, who died 19 minutes after the coronation ceremony in which he took the names of three predecessors. Elsewhere on the page is a photo of the Queensboro Bridge falling into the East River under the weight of 10,000 marathon runners. Another story, under the headline FALL SEASON THROWN INTO CONFUSION BY STUDIO 54 BLAZE; ISRAELI REACTION MUTED, tells how the disco burned to the ground after Owner Steve Rubell refused to admit the firemen because they were not chic enough.

A glance at the paper's handy News Summary indicates that not much has changed in the world, or the Times, since the strike began Aug. 9. "The border war between Adibulia (formerly Moax-ablio) and Amoravia (formerly the Shoo-vah), was abruptly broken off yesterday when it was discovered that the two nations share no common boundaries," according to one item.

Unfortunately -- or perhaps fortunately -- none of the summary items are to be found elsewhere in the paper. But the issue is groaning with typically insightful international reporting (NOTHING OF GREAT SIGNIFICANCE HAPPENING IN AFRICA OF LATE), trenchant Washington analysis (CARTER FORESTALLS EFFORTS

TO DEFUSE DISCORD POLICY), and upscale ads (for Nonwit Teller, Bloomindale's, Eve Saint Laurent's new Heroine perfume, and one white space labeled "This ad stolen by the New York Post").

In the Living section -- renamed Having -- the paper remains on the cutting edge of contemptuous consumption. One article describes how trendy New Yorkers are tearing down the walls of their apartments to convert them to lofts. There is a guide to the best street corners in town for having one's car windshield washed by a derelict. Food Writer Craig Stillborn describes how to capture and cook the "versatile, if elusive" bat.

The Times's editorial policy continues to reflect the same cosmic concerns as before the strike. WHITHER DEETENTE? asks the lead editorial, which never bothers to answer. The editorial page includes the inevitable ode to nature's awesome wonders, titled AUTUMN'S FALL ("Now does the deep-throated maple hush its cheery warble ..."). On the Op-Ed page, Columnist James Rest writes from Balkh, Asia Minor (" 'How are you, Scotty?' asked the Khan, gnawing on a Kurd").

As was Times practice before the strike, an early edition of this week's paper will be whisked by special courier to the Manhattan apartment of Publisher Arthur ("Punch") Sulzberger. He can hardly help noticing the typographical error in the paper's logo: Not The New York Times. Exactly who is responsible for this outrageous, cunningly crafted parody? Among those reputed to have laid a pencil to the project are Michael Arlen, Carl Bernstein, Nora Ephron, Frances Fitz-Gerald, Jerzy Kosinski, George and Freddy Plimpton, Terry Southern and about three or four dozen other wordsmiths from leading publishing firms, the unemployment rolls and the Times itself. Observed Calvin Trillin, one of the town's few big-time scribes who declined to participate: "Sounds as if they emptied the back room at Elaine's for this one."

Trouble is, hardly any of the alleged perpetrators would own up to it. "I had nothing to do with this," chuckled Chris Cerf, an editor for Children's Television Workshop and a purported ringleader. "I can give you a list of other people who weren't involved as well. It's also not true that we used the Plimptons' apartment to put the paper together. I ought to know. I was there all week." Freddy Plimpton denied that her husband wrote a brilliant parody of Timesman Red Smith's sports column. Similarly, New Times Senior Editor Kevin Buckley denied that he and Frankie FitzGerald collaborated on the parody of Reston, and Tony Hendra, a former National Lampoon editor, denied that he posed for the photo of the Pope.

Rusty Unger, a former book editor and Village Voice columnist, denied that the paper's 100,000-copy press run was printed by Garber Publishing Co. in Toledo, denied that Garber had agreed to finance the venture in return for the first $20,000 in revenues plus 30% of the rest, and denied that any profits from the venture would go to the Neediest Cases Fund that the New York Times sponsors each year.

Why all this reticence? "It's more fun like this, to play a guessing game," said Freddy Plimpton. Other alleged participants may be motivated by fear of possible Times retaliation. Said one of the four or five Times employees who lent assistance: "I've been on strike for two months, I have ten kids, my mortgage payments are overdue and

I've had to pawn my Cuisinart. If Abe Rosenthal ever found out I was part of this, he'd have me back on the police beat in Amoravia, formerly the Shoovah."

Rosenthal, the Times's quick-tempered executive editor, was reported to be on his way to Toledo and could not be reached for comment, but Deputy Managing Editor Arthur Gelb declared amiably: "We know there's some kind of parody, and we hope it's funny." The issue is being distributed by Metropolitan News Co., which also handles the Times.

Times Co. executives may find their Ochs gored by some of the issue's sharper satire, notably a heavyhanded mock ad from union-battling J.S. Stevens Co. about why organized labor is bad for business, and a "Man in the News" profile of an impossibly affluent pressman. But for the satirists it was mostly a labor of love. As Rusty Unger denied saying, "We all missed the Times so much that we had to make our own."

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