GO, HOGS! CHOP SOOOOIE!

By CALVIN TRILLIN

I too was disappointed in Yah Lin ("Charlie") Trie's decision not to appear at the Senate's hearing on campaign fund-raising abuses, but not because I'm eager to learn more about how to make wire transfers for shady purposes from Macao. I wanted to hear more about Charlie Trie's Chinese restaurant in Little Rock.

We've been told only that it was a few blocks from the state capitol and that it was one of Bill Clinton's favorite places for lunch when the Great Scarfer was Governor. I somehow even missed its name. Given Trie's eagerness to please, though, I suspect he chose a name designed to make some of those Arkansas legislators from places like Mount Ida and Ash Flat feel as comfortable as they could in an Oriental setting--maybe something like the Jade Goober.

It's remarkable that we don't know more about one of Clinton's favorite eateries, since his life in Little Rock is otherwise an open book. His alleged girlfriends and alleged business associates from those days are as familiar to the American public as sitcom stars. Citizens who cannot name the Justices of the Supreme Court can rattle off the names of Hillary Clinton's law partners.

There has been so much written about Clinton's life in Little Rock that it's not difficult to imagine what his visits to the Jade Goober must have been like. In my mind, the trip from his office to the Goober would have been on foot, a poll by Dick Morris having shown that most Arkansans prefer that the Governor walk rather than ride to lunch and, if possible, not via a route that would take him by McDonald's for hors d'oeuvres.

Clinton is accompanied by three or four state police, who nod politely as he explains how the long-term future of Medicare could affect the upcoming school-board race in Calhoun County. Along the route, homeowners rush out, grab their daughters off porch gliders and drag them inside.

At the Jade Goober, Web Hubbell has just finished his lunch with an all-vegetable dish listed on the menu as Bubba's Delight. Trie, following standing instructions, has given him the check plus three carbon copies suitable for submission. At the next table, a waitress impatiently taps a pencil on her pad as James McDougal changes his mind again and again.

When Governor Clinton, after hugging everyone in the restaurant, settles into his usual table, Trie is instantly hovering about. He insists on bringing the Governor and his companions a new dish on the menu, something called General Tyson's Chicken. The Governor and the state police polish that off and have eight or 10 more dishes, finishing up with Trie's special Hush Puppies Szechuan Style. They ask for their checks, having adopted a Dutch-treat policy since the Clintons developed what they call the McDougal cash-flow problem.

"Right away," Trie says. He goes to his office and picks up a shopping bag full of checks that are all made out to BILL CLINTON FOR GOVERNOR OR ARKANSAS DEMOCRATIC PARTY. They are signed with what appear to be Asian names--Sun Yatsen, for instance, and Charlie Chan. Returning to the dining room, he shoots an ingratiating smile in the Governor's direction and pours the checks out on to the table.