Notebook

By Daniel Eisenberg, Tam Gray, Anita Hamilton, Declan McCullagh, Jodie Morse, Michele Orecklin, Alain Sanders, Bruce van Voorst

WINNERS & LOSERS TAKE THE GRANT, SKIP THE TIP

[WINNERS]

BROOKE ASTOR She closes her N.Y.C. foundation after spending 38 years giving away $193 million. Three cheers!

TOM CLANCY NFL says he can buy the Vikings. Beware, Coach: if he says, "Throw the bomb," he might mean bomb

JAMES CAMERON Oscar honors, yes, but the Andrea Doria ain't no sequel

[& LOSERS]

THE BEARDSTOWN LADIES Oops! Grandmotherly investors' return is 9.1%, not 23.4%. Thank heaven for Social Security

KENNEDY KIDS Complaints about selling Camelot would sit better had they not unloaded Mom's junk in '96

ELVIS PRESLEY A video concert at Radio City: exploitation as kitschy homage

VOX POP

Question (asked only of women): Suppose you were alone in a room with President Clinton and he tried to kiss you. Which of the following would be your most likely response?

Push him away 50% Slap him 34% Kiss him back 7% Not sure 9%

Margin of error is +/-4.3%. Source: Yankelovich Partners

HEADS UP

LIVING IN OBLIVION: A week's accumulation of clueless encounters:

In Brooklyn, N.Y., a car that had been towed as a scofflaw vehicle was sold at auction. Moments later, a decomposed body wrapped in plastic was discovered in its trunk. Police believe it had been there "a few months."

In Japan a man unable to walk said he was surprised to learn of the skeleton occupying his closet. No word on the identity.

In Chicago an 85-year-old woman waiting for her son in his illegally parked Corvette remained in the car unnoticed by traffic agents as they hooked it up and towed it away. Her son found her two hours later, sitting in the car at the impound lot.

THE PRIMARY COLOR IS RED

President Clinton expresses emotion in many ways--the set of his jaw, the bite of his lip--but when he feels something strongly, what he does more than anything else is turn red.

TESTY: "A testy President Clinton yesterday again balked at answering questions about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky...'I have given all the answers that matter, and I don't have anything else to say at this time,' said a red-faced Clinton." --New York Post, March 6, 1998

SAD: "The event proved more moving than White House aides had anticipated...His face red and set, Mr. Clinton stepped to the lectern...[and spoke] on the need to combat drunken driving." --New York Times, March 4, 1998

ARDENT: "Willey later remarked to a friend that she knew Paula Jones must have been telling the truth...because both women observed the same physical characteristic about Clinton: His face turned beet red." --Bulletin News Network, March 2, 1998

MAD: "His face flushed...Clinton said, "I want to say one thing to the American people...I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky." --Patriot Ledger, Jan. 26, 1998

AMUSED: "At one point...Gore looked at Thernstrom and quipped, 'You can ask a "yes or no" question.' Clinton laughed so hard his face turned red." --Baltimore Sun, Dec. 20, 1997

LATE: "After a two-hour delay, Clinton stepped...onto a stage...'I didn't know his hair was that gray,' said second-grader Sam Melvin, 8. 'Or that his face was that red,' added classmate Kate Ferguson. --Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, Nov. 1, 1997

NUMBERS

$75: Amount the Pentagon paid for a single set screw

$75: Cost of a 31-piece tool set at Brookstone

$51,000: Amount, along with a new truck, earned by Jeff King for driving a dogsled nine days in a blizzard to win the Iditarod

$61,000: Amount, prorated from his annual salary, earned March 18 by Utah Jazz guard John Stockton for playing 26 minutes and scoring 4 points

9: Months it took the White House to release logs of fund-raising activities subpoenaed by a House committee

1: Days after Kathleen Willey's 60 Minutes appearance it took the White House to release her friendly letters

$40,250: Amount paid for a cigar box once owned by John F. Kennedy, at an auction last week

$574,500: Amount paid for a humidor once owned by John F. Kennedy, at the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis auction in 1996

Sources: The Washington Post, Brookstone, Associated Press, USA Today, New York Daily News

THE 60 SECOND SYMPOSIUM

QUESTION: Compared with other generations of British actors, has the '60s generation of actors (Albert Finney, Tom Courtenay, Alan Bates, Michael Caine, Glenda Jackson, Sean Connery, Vanessa Redgrave) been slighted in the awarding of knighthoods?

Lord Jeffrey Archer, British politician and novelist:

"No. Actors nowadays don't do too badly. When Olivier got a knighthood, it was considered almost unknown. Now, there's almost one a year. [But many are] Shakespearian actors, and you very rarely see them on film. By the way, Vanessa Redgrave, it is commonly understood, has turned it down."

Claire Armitstead, arts editor, The Guardian:

"People who get knighted or made a Dame tend to be very old and wobbly. It's a tradition in England to wait until people are too old to do anything else. These people are not finished. It's appropriate that they have not been knighted. Many may prefer to be slighted rather than knighted."

Christopher Hitchens, columnist, Vanity Fair:

"The great historian R.H. Tawney, when offered a title by the Prime Minister, replied, 'What have I ever done to you?' It would be nice to think that the Tom Courtenay generation gave a version of this reply, putting themselves in a superior class to Sir Elton and Sir Paul."