People

By Joel Stein

Q + A

NORM MACDONALD MacDonald, once of Saturday Night Live, stars in and co-wrote Dirty Work, opening June 12.

Q: You're a good-looking guy. Good-looking guys aren't funny.

A: I'm not that good-looking.

Q: You're a good-looking guy.

A: For a comedian. But not for a real person. I have some weird things that make me unattractive.

Q: Things I don't want to know?

A: No. I just have a weird voice and an odd personality.

Q: Did that hurt you with the ladies?

A: Well, girls aren't interested in funny guys.

Q: They say they are.

A: What it is is they laugh at everything a super-handsome guy says. On SNL when hosts would come in who were super-handsome...

Q: Like?

A: I can't say.

Q: Because you don't want to say he's not funny, or because you don't want to say you find another man attractive?

A: I don't want to slam him. But he wasn't funny at all, but girls would laugh like crazy.

Q: First you're fired from Weekend Update for not being funny, then college kids throw beer bottles at you during a show. You ever think, "Hey, maybe I'm not funny"?

A: I think if you're funny, some people are going to hate you.

Q: So you were so funny people threw things at you?

A: Exactly.

Q: That's pretty funny.

A: If you meet a guy who everybody thinks is funny, he's not funny.

Q: He's just good-looking.

A: Yeah.

Q: When that happened, you were playing Quinnipiac College. You need a new agent.

A: He's not around anymore.

Q: Do you read the news anymore?

A: No. I'm completely uninterested. You're a guy up on the news. What is this Pakistan thing? Is this a dangerous thing that could affect me?

Q: No. Don't worry about it.

GAMBLE A SPELL, Y'ALL

In gambling, decor counts: you may be feeding quarters into a slot machine and scarfing the $3.99 all-you-can-eat buffets--but, hey, you're in ancient Rome! MAX BAER JR., who played Jethro Bodine on The Beverly Hillbillies, thinks Reno gamblers will enjoy the rags-to-riches leitmotiv of a $120 million Hillbillies-theme casino and hotel. His plans include Granny's Shotgun Wedding Chapel, Jethro's All You Ken Et Buffet and a giant oil derrick. City officials object to the idea.

PAINT IT, FLESH

High culture and low culture come together once again, this time on a giant canvas of JERRY HALL. Painter Lucian Freud, who has turned down offers to paint Queen Elizabeth and Pope John Paul II (and has had one of his pieces sold at auction for $5.8 million), painted the statuesque wife of MICK JAGGER. Best known for disturbing portraits of fleshy naked women, Sigmund's grandson shows the leggy Texan both pregnant and with her then infant son. The paintings will be premiered at London's Tate Gallery on Wednesday.

FEUD OF THE WEEK

GEORGE ("THE BOSS") STEINBRENNER

AGE: 67 OCCUPATION: Trying to move Yankee Stadium BEST PUNCH: According to New York Post, Yankee owner lectured shortstop Derek Jeter about letting night life with girlfriend Carey hurt his performance. Steinbrenner denies it.

MARIAH ("DIVA") CAREY

AGE: 28 OCCUPATION: Singing, baring midriff BEST PUNCH: "I'm just a singer, not some magical baseball genie who can make or break someone's game. If I forget a lyric onstage, my fans don't turn to him and say, 'What are you doing to her?'"

THE WINNER Carey. Jeter was batting .330 as of Friday. And smiling.