Notebook
By Tam Martinides Gray, Daniel S. Levy and Michele Lynn Orecklin
WINNERS & LOSERS
[WINNERS]
NEWT GINGRICH History affords the devalued Speaker a chance to play statesman, restore stature
BOB DOLE In the summer of Monicagate and Saving Private Ryan, the Bobster looks better and better
EVELYN LIEBERMAN She emerges from the Starr report as the only White House grownup on intern patrol
[& LOSERS]
MONICA LEWINSKY Exploited victim is revealed as thong flasher and lovelorn gate-crasher. The tell-all is all-told
BETTY CURRIE The dutiful secretary turns out to be Clinton's ultimate seven-day-a-week enabler
HELEN CHENOWETH The Idaho family-values conservative is outed as "the other woman" in old affair
DID MONICA STUDY LUCIANNE GOLDBERG?
Lucianne Goldberg, the literary agent, provocateur and fairy godmother to the Ken Starr report, has often condemned Bill Clinton for preying on the naive intern Monica Lewinsky. But a younger Lucianne Goldberg--Goldberg the writer--is the author of a work that Lewinsky could easily have used as a guide in her frolicsome thong baring. The 1971 book, co-written with Jeannie Sakol, is a 174-page critique of feminism called Purr, Baby, Purr, in which the authors advise women to "Stop Bitching! Be a Pussycat!" by exulting in their feminine wiles.
Consider the Monica-relevance of this excerpt: "Flirting between men and women has been one of the most pleasant activities since Eve first peddled her fruit to Adam. And, as Eve found out, there's always an element of danger in flirting--which is what makes it exciting."
Another passage also resonates: "[Elizabeth] Taylor has softer skin. And rounder hips. And fuller lips. And, yes, of course, that magnificent bosom."
Purr, Baby, Purr originally sold for $5.95. In its review, the New York Times said, "Some women who feel threatened by the Libs' more outre manifestations may take comfort from the book, if they can stomach its breezy prose."
ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING
The Bill Clinton apology tour has kicked into high gear, yet some people remain unmoved. In the past, many famous figures underscored their contrition with a dramatic gesture. Should Clinton emulate them? Here are the pros and cons.
PENITENT HUGH GRANT DRAMATIC GESTURE After his arrest in 1995 for lewd conduct with a prostitute, he appears on the Tonight Show to confess his guilt.
SHOULD CLINTON EMULATE? Yes. Submitting to Jay's jests in person would be punishment enough for any man.
[PENITENT] HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR HENRY IV
[DRAMATIC GESTURE] Regretting his power struggle with Pope Gregory VII, he shows his sorrow in 1077 by standing barefoot in the snow for three days.
[SHOULD CLINTON EMULATE?] While it would make a good photo op, bringing the snowmaking machinery to Washington could bust the budget.
[PENITENT] KING HENRY II OF ENGLAND
[DRAMATIC GESTURE] After his loose talk leads to the murder of Thomas a Becket in 1170, he submits to flogging.
[SHOULD CLINTON EMULATE?] No. The Lewinsky matter is too kinky already.
[PENITENT] OEDIPUS
[DRAMATIC GESTURE] Upon discovering that he has killed his father and slept with his mother, he blinds himself.
[SHOULD CLINTON EMULATE?] Not a good career move. Blind saxophone players are a dime a dozen.
[PENITENT] MINAMOTO YOSHITSUNE [DRAMATIC GESTURE] Japanese warrior commits seppuku after being trapped in battle in 1189.
[SHOULD CLINTON EMULATE?] No. He'd miss his comeback.
[PENITENT] JIMMY SWAGGART
[DRAMATIC GESTURE] Weeps on TV as he confesses sinning after allegedly meeting with prostitute.
[SHOULD CLINTON EMULATE?] By the time you read this, he may have.
STATS
RECORD BREAKERS One reason Mark McGwire's feat has so captured the public's imagination is the record's totemic power: in 71 years, it has been broken only twice. Here are some records of Ruth's era, and a look at how they have withstood the test of time.
HOME RUNS 1927: 60, Babe Ruth 1961: 61, Roger Maris, a 1.7% increase 1998: 62, Mark McGwire, up 1.6%
HOCKEY GOALS 1917-18: 44, Joe Malone 1960-61: 50, shared by Maurice Richard (1945) and Bernie Geoffrion (1961), a 13.6% increase 1981-82: 92, Wayne Gretzky, up 84%
MARATHON 1925: 2:29:01.8, Albert Michelsen 1960: 2:15:16.2, Abebe Bikila, down 9.2% 1988: 2:06:50, Belayneh Dinsamo, down 6.2%
DISCUS 1926: 158.14 ft., L. Clarence ("Bud") Houser 1961: 199.21 ft., L. Jay Silvester, up 26% 1986: 243.04 ft., Jurgen Schult, up 22%
HIGH JUMP 1924: 6.66 ft., Harold Osborn 1961: 7.38 ft., Valeriy Brumel, up 11% 1993: 8.04 ft., Javier Sotomayor, up 8.9%
FOOTBALL TOUCHDOWNS 1932: 6, Earl Clark and Red Grange (This was the first year the NFL kept statistics.) 1961: 18, shared by Steve Van Buren (1945), Jim Brown (1958) and Bill Groman (1961), an increase of 200% 1998: 25, Emmitt Smith (1995), up 39%
NEWS QUIZ
1 The length of Mark McGwire's 62 home runs, when added together, equals 26,413 ft. At this rate, how many would he have to hit to attain a length greater than the height of Mount Everest?
a) 65; b) 68; c) 79; d) 111
2 Russia's new Prime Minister, Yevgeny Primakov, once headed the Soviet equivalent of the CIA. Who now heads the CIA?
a) James Woolsey; b) George Tenet; c) Alexander Waverly
3 Scientists have developed a way to separate sperm that carry the Y chromosome, which produces males, from sperm that carry the X chromosome, which produces females. So couples can now choose a child's sex. How are the Y sperm different?
a) They have more monosodium glutamate b) They have less genetic material c) They have small, nearly invisible penises d) They never ask for directions when they're lost
4 Courtney Love has a new album, and has been sued by a national magazine. Name the album and the magazine.
a) Screed; the Weekly Standard b) Wart; Martha Stewart Living c) Celebrity Skin; Celebrity Skin d) Slate; Slate
5 "Some members of Congress feel I might use a minor incident to go to war, and they may be right." Who wrote this?
a) George Bush, during the U.S. buildup in the gulf b) Bill Clinton, two weeks ago
Answers: 1b; 2b; 3b; 4c; 5a
NUMBERS
36 Boxes sent to Congress by independent counsel Kenneth Starr containing his report
445 Pages in his report
119,059 Words in his report
92 Times "oral sex" is mentioned
62 Times "breast" or "breasts" is mentioned
39 Times "genitalia" is mentioned
29 Times "phone sex" is mentioned
27 Times "cigar" is mentioned
19 Times "semen" is mentioned
8 Times "bra" is mentioned
6 Times "unzipped" is mentioned
4 Times "Whitewater" is mentioned
1 Times "thong" is mentioned
61,883 Number of Web pages of the report viewed on pathfinder.com as of midnight Friday
3,177 Number of Web pages of the President's prebuttal viewed