Amy Musher's Mailbag

By Amy Musher

What weighs more than the Starr Report's measly 6-plus lbs.? If you can answer that question (hint: 3,600 readers responded to our SEPT. 21 coverage of Starr's findings), you're ready for further grilling. By way of study materials, the Letters column has already offered up digests of more than 14,000 opinions we've received on the characters in the drama as well as thematic briefs on all the scandal's subplots. You know what sex is, and it's our bet you know what "is" is. But can you second-guess what was in the mailbag on the Sept. 21 cover stories? Try your hand at the first-ever ZIPPERGATE MAIL CHALLENGE:

--Q. Which among these was the slogan du jour? It's the ______, stupid! A) "immoral, reckless behavior"; B) "integrity"; C) "lying"; D) "perjury."

A. It's C, stupid! 80 readers used the phrase.

--Q. Read the following: "Please don't try to make us believe this stuff is journalistically necessary. We are bored, surfeited, drenched, drowned and saturated." How many readers cried uncle?

A. Not nearly enough. We're still plowing ahead. For the record: 550.

--Q. The word pornography was used 104 times and smut 30 times. Are you A) surprised and B) able to say whether the words were directed at us or at Congress for releasing the report?

A. If you were surprised, consider yourself as having failed the test, and miserably so. Any points you may have amassed are forfeited. The words were directed at both TIME and Congress.

--Q. Which among these was the favored biblical quote? A) "Judge not, that ye be not judged." B) "The letter killeth." C) "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to cast a stone."

A. First choice was C (47 entries). No one actually used B, from II Corinthians, but we like it.

--Q. Did the release of the videotapes serve to change anyone's mind on whether the Clintons should be packing their bags?

A. No chance. But take a bonus point if you thought the anti-Clinton forces wrote snappier letters. They did: "After watching the President's performance, my only regret is, I forgot to wear my boots."

HOW'RE THEY DOIN'? THE MAIL POLL

BILL CLINTON For 1,680 Against 1,589

HILLARY CLINTON For 34 Against 65

KENNETH STARR For 59 Against 1,052

MONICA LEWINSKY For 1 Against 285

THE BOX SCORE 1923 to 1998

Our top mail-getting stories in history:

1. Man of the Year: Ayatullah Khomeini Jan. 7, 1980 2. Last Tango in Paris cover Jan. 22, 1973 3. Editorial calling on Nixon to resign Nov. 12, 1973 4. The Starr Report Sept. 21, 1998