Gene Simmons

By Joel Stein

Gene Simmons, the bassist for Kiss, is kicking off the band's new tour with a Halloween-night concert on Fox TV.

Q: When you first put on the makeup, did you look in the mirror right away and say, "Oh, yeah. This is going to be big"?

A: Before then, actually. I've always been delusional. I've always stood in front of the mirror and thought, "Goddam. You are a powerful and attractive man."

Q: Have you had sex in the makeup?

A: Many times. With the boots on, with the makeup on. Some of the girls prefer to wear stuff. The tattoos are the astonishing things. The most astonishing one was on the milky white thighs, and there was my face with my mouth wide open.

Q: How come so many people think you should retire?

A: How come it's always white people who point to their singers and go, "That guy's too old"? How come you never hear a black person saying, "You know, B.B. King, it's time for him to hang it up"?

Q: On your tour, are the "blood seats" more expensive?

A: To be thrown up on by me? Of course.

Q: To make that blood, do you bite on a capsule of pig's blood?

A: I'm Jewish, so pig's blood doesn't fly.

Q: You sell a Kiss Visa card. That doesn't scream rock 'n' roll to me.

A: That doesn't matter. It's not about you. It's about me. You'll catch on. How about Peter Max life-size portraits of the band, 7 ft. high, 12 ft. wide?

Q: How much can I get one of those for?

A: $550,000. We're going to make a series of them.

Q: You should stick to the action figures.

A: I think I do Kiss better than you do.

Q: I'm still betting against the Peter Max thing.

A: How much?

Q: You sell five within two years of the start date, I'll give you $20.

A: You've got a deal. And I will collect.

--By Joel Stein