Time Flies

By EMILY MITCHELL

Brrrrring! The alarm goes off, and another day crammed with classes, sports, homework, appointments and sometimes jobs begins. Benjamin Franklin, no squanderer of time, would be impressed by the schedules kept by today's children. But the hectic pace takes its toll. With their kids' lives carved up into blocks of time for soccer, scouts and homework, what should parents do--and not do--to help them manage their time?

Some youngsters figure out early on how to juggle books, work and fun along with long-term goals. Nathan Moore, 17, a senior at Denver's George Washington High School, is in the National Honor Society, participates in the Science Bowl and is already a member of the National Society of Black Engineers. Besides carrying a rigorous academic program and holding down a part-time job designing Web pages, he is on the school swim team. "I get my studying done at school during study hall," he says. "When I get home, I can do other things, like play sports or hang out." Nathan, who wants someday to be an aeronautical engineer, formed good study habits in fourth grade when a teacher, as he remembers, "used to pile on the work. I started to get stuff done then."

O.K., not every kid has Nathan's seemingly innate ability to budget his time. Many others are overwhelmed by the intense pressure, and that is when parents need to step in. Caitlin Nish, 17, of Westfield, N.J., baby-sits 2 hr. every day, tutors three students in math 3 to 6 hr. a week, plays sports, belongs to clubs and edits an award-winning high school newspaper. She does homework for 6 hr. till 1:30 a.m. "Sometimes I am about to break into tears," she says. "Just having my mother put her arm around me and say that it's O.K., that I am doing fine and should not give up is all I need to get back on track." Her fellow senior Megan Shutts, 17, gets hugs as well but also receives much needed guidance. "My mother helps me make lists of what I plan to accomplish next week. She will tell me, 'This weekend I want you to complete this application before you go out with your friends.'"

Parents should be aware of when a son or daughter may need some healthy down time, but even the experts do not always agree on when children are overburdened. Jack Fletcher, professor of pediatrics at UT-Houston Health Science Center, has two daughters, ages 7 and 10, and he notes that "some children thrive on having a lot to do." He and his wife Patricia McEnery, a former social worker, aren't strict about how the girls spend every minute of the day. "The trick," says McEnery, "is to assess what your kids really need and try to find a balance."

The foundation for good management of time begins at home. "Don't have your kids overwhelmed with so many activities," says Roy M. Kern, professor of counseling and psychological services at Georgia State University. "Kids should pick one activity they really like and stick to it." Jeanne and Darin Coleman of Woodstock, Ga., with four children ranging in age from 8 months to 10 1/2 years, have a family rule of one sport at a time. Once children make a decision to take part in an activity, says Jan Allen, associate professor of child and family studies at the University of Tennessee, "parents should help them understand that they have to stay with it for at least the school year." She believes that keeping commitments teaches a child how to make wise decisions in the future.

It is the rare family that doesn't have at least one skirmish over homework. Most child-care experts think that homework should be part of the structured family environment. The two teenage children of Ann Baldwin, who lives in the upscale Woodlands suburb of Houston, are both honor students. Justifiably proud of their achievements, she admits, "It has taken a long time to get them there. In elementary school we had a consistent bedtime and a time slot for homework. If we knew a big project was coming, we always asked them what their plan was. If they needed to go to the library, we set aside the time to take them. It was paramount to give them consistency on a daily basis."

No matter what the family arrangement is, homework is ultimately the child's responsibility. A parent can set reasonable rules and, for example, stipulate that the TV or computer can't go on or friends can't phone until all assignments are finished. But in the view of Charles Merrill, a parent and psychologist with the New York City board of education, homework is "a contract between teacher and student--not between parent and child." If getting it done becomes a problem, parents should talk to the teacher, advises Merrill. Having a child suffer the consequences of not turning in homework can be a valuable lesson.

As older kids start their race against the clock, they need to be encouraged to decide for themselves how to spend the minutes, hours and days. Mark Kelly heads the Annunciation Orthodox School, a private elementary school in Houston, and he observes that "today kids don't have to make any decisions because they are already made for them. We need to slow down and allow them to learn to manage time." Books and organizers are useful time-budgeting tools that can boost independence. Just published is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey, who is following in the footsteps of his father Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The younger Covey recommends a planner, which can be as simple as a notebook with a calendar to organize a week ahead. For kids who see this as a constraint, he urges them to "Keep in mind that a planner wasn't designed to tie you down but to free you up."

Perhaps the most popular one is the FranklinCovey Premier Agenda Student Planner: 12.5 million students in North America use it, and it has been adopted by 25,000 schools. Of course any child can do well without one, but according to its creator, Hyrum Smith, "it enables students to gain control over what they are doing and where they are going." The eldest of Jeanne and Darin Coleman's children attend a school that issues planners. Says Jeanne: "The kids can see in concrete black and white what they have to do. When they can cross something off the list, it gives them a sense of satisfaction."

Since fourth grade, Jessica Blais, 16, of Meredith, N.H., has followed a self-management program that is scheduled to be published next year. Co-authored by teacher Virginia Keysar, educational consultant Kathryn Cloonan and time-management consultant Dave de Sousa, the book is tentatively titled I Can Do It. Explains De Sousa: "You can't keep kids on track all the time, but if you can make them think about what they want to be or do or have and give them a process, they will develop their own ideas." The plan encourages kids to list their goals and write down the things they think they can do to reach them. Blais tried it and within four years reached one of her goals: to become an assistant teacher in her dance class. "Without goals you can get sidetracked," she says, "and put too much effort into things that aren't important to you." By creating a plan that worked for her, she has already taken a giant step toward managing her time independently. Ben Franklin would like that too.

--With reporting by Leslie Everton Brice/Atlanta and Elisabeth Kauffman/Nashville, with other bureaus

With reporting by Leslie Everton Brice/Atlanta and Elisabeth Kauffman/Nashville, with other bureaus