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SHOCKING

Pudgy guy named ROCCO almost beats Tiger Woods!

SNOOP DOGG releases country-music song titled My Medicine. Sipping on moonshine and juice?

KATHERINE HEIGL opts out of Emmy consideration, citing injury from dismounting high horse

ROSS PEROT launches website about the U.S. economy

GRAND THEFT AUTO IV fails to boost console sales. Carjackings doing just fine, though

LEONA HELMSLEY'S DOG to lose $10 million. Still richer than your dog

JOAN RIVERS kicked off British daytime talk show for swearing

MADONNA'S BROTHER writes unauthorized memoir. Because we know so few of her secrets

PREDICTABLE

NASA to unveil new space suits. Adult diapers do not come standard

THE VATICAN bans DA VINCI CODE prequel from filming in Rome churches

SOUL TRAIN to return to TV screens. Gentlemen, start your bell-bottoms

Shiny, happy objects! MICHAEL STIPE to exhibit bronze art in New York City

OPRAH gives Stanford commencement speech: "I like money."

CINDY MCCAIN rips off another recipe

KANYE WEST doesn't take Bonnaroo stage until 4:25 a.m., irking punctual hippies

MIKE HUCKABEE joins Fox News

TIGER WOODS beats pudgy guy named Rocco

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE